If the sun is a flower,
I am a pile of petals.
Incomplete,
but still of the light.
If the sun is a flower,
I am a pile of petals.
Incomplete,
but still of the light.
I felt like lying down by the side of the trail and remembering it all. The woods do that to you, they always look familiar, long lost, like the face of a long-dead relative, like an old dream, like a piece of forgotten song drifting across the water, most of all like golden eternities of past childhood or past manhood and all the living and the dying and the heartbreak that went on a million years ago and the clouds as they pass overhead seem to testify (by their own lonesome familiarity) to this feeling. - Jack Kerouac
(Source: troubled, via comeupfromthewilderness)
Home.
The decision-making process is a horribly painful one for me. This fall, I’m transferring schools and that will be difficult. I love the little college I’ve been attending. I’ve made some great connections, worked in the English lab, and made great friends there. I’ve written for the newspaper and gotten tangled up in some exciting business, but sadly my little community college can’t give me what I ultimately want. So it’s time to move on. I thought this college would be a mere place holder, an institution I studied at for a little while until I decided what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. But it has turned out to resemble a home. I like walking the hallways of a school and knowing I’ll see someone I recognize enough to warrant a hello. I’ve read the papers of many of these students - some of them filled with secrets they didn’t even know they were telling me. It’s a deeply personal place for me now.
And I’m leaving to walk the halls (and paths… this school has a non-urban campus) of this new university that I don’t have any history with.
And other decisions accompany this already made one. Living situations, jobs, majors, minors, classes, loans, blah blah blah. And I simply don’t know what to do.
So for now, I’m devoting the next couple days to weighing my options, praying about this, and making pro and con lists. I’m giving myself a timeline, otherwise I’ll mull it over until all the options I currently have are expired. I must decide by Tuesday where I will be living next fall and my job status. Tuesday - 3 days; I can do this.
But amidst all these decisions, I am comforted by the fact that at one time in my life all the places that now feel like home were once strange and unknown. Home is not static, my heart is not static. I fully believe in my capability to create a comfortable and exciting place in this new university and stage of life. I am able, if I will only allow myself to be.
